Virginia Muzquiz is known as the Referral Diva. She is an Executive Director with Business Network International (BNI), the Chief Connections Officer with Master Connectors, Inc and the host of the Passion+Purpose=IMPACT podcast. Well-known for her ability to connect the people she meets with people they need to know, Virginia is on a mission to help solo business owners connect to their purpose and their passion so they can build businesses that fund their dreams and have massive impact on the community where they live and serve.
- Website: www.MasterConnectors.com
- Website: Also find Virginia at www.BNIMidAmerica.com
- Free ‘Faithful FollowUp Guide': www.MasterConnectors.com/followup
Most Influential Person
- Callan Rush
Effect on Emotions
- I'm no longer a reactive slave to my emotions. I'm actually a casual observer.
Thoughts on Breathing
- Breathing is what ties the mind to clarity. I think breathing is what gives me clarity, focus and vision.
- Book: Anything by Dr. Wayne Dyer
- App: iTunes – Meditative music which I preview on Pandora and then purchase on iTunes
- Also search for Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. It's a Buddhist chant.
- I'll tell you a story because it does have that ‘if I had known how to deal with it different' slant because I actually had a similar situation. I was 12 years old, 11 or 12 and it was in fifth grade and I was invited to Dana Amoli's birthday party. I felt like, oh my God, I made it. Dana was going to have me over to her house. I was going to get to go to the party and everything.
- What I didn't know is I was the entertainment. Like if you've ever seen the movie mean girls, like I was the entertainment. So after all the parents went to bed, it probably was 11 or 12:00 at night.
- The girls, they were all doing that thing where you lay down and you do light as a feather, stiff as a board and lift with two fingers.
- Well, they got me to lay down, but instead of doing light as a feather stiff as a board, they held me down. They smeared me with green Jello and they shoved me in a closet and that's where I slept. I pounded on the door. I begged for them to let me out. And they didn't let me out until the morning.
- I can't even remember really what happened because I'm sure that Mrs Amoli was horrified and talked to my mother. I don't remember.
- That moment is like sticky and in the dark and laughing and, you know, that was just like, it's so wow. It's so present for me and how cruel and ucky that was.
- So flash forward a couple of years ago. I had a situation where someone who I had considered to be a very dear friend, had invited me to drive about 90 minutes from my house and go to a party.
- And while we were at the party, there were a lot of elements about this party that really spoke to not being considered. I have food allergies. It was a family members party and I didn't expect them to have special food for me. But you know, I would say to you, Bruce, you know, this party, they're going to have like fried hearts and chicken livers. And if you don't eat that stuff, you know, you might want to bring some hummus or you know, like I would tell you that what we're going to eat is not going to be what you can consume. Right?
- So no heads up, no nothing. I was starving. It was out in the middle of the boondoggle. There was like the closest Mcdonald's was 45 minutes in some other direction that I had passed, which I would have stopped by and got some fries if I had known.
- And then that night my friend, every time I sat down to try to talk to her, she would get up and be like, oh, I have to go. So I, I didn't know anybody there. No one really paid attention to me.
- And the one person I knew who had invited me to be her plus one because you don't want to be there by herself, was just being, I mean, I'm sorry, she was just being a bitch. She was just being awful.
- And I was starting to feel that green Jello thing again and as it welled up because now I observed my emotions, I was like, wow, this is like, like, this is a really weird emotion kind of thing that's starting up.
- So I went in the bathroom and I had this talking to and I was like, listen, you are not 12, you are a grown up woman and you have car keys and you can leave anytime you want. You do not have to stay here.
- You are capable of going and finding people who will talk to you. You are not this person. You are not stuck, you can, you have choices, so exercise your freewill and make a decision. And so I took off my costume and put on my street clothes and said my goodbyes and my friend said, oh, I thought you were going to stay. It could have been a little slumber party or whatever.
- I was like, Oh man, I'm really tired and I have a headache. So I'm just, I'm sorry sweetie. I'm going to go.
- Like, I was totally like, okay, she can behave how she wants. The followup to that was her sort of bullying me and saying, you know, I don't appreciate all the drama and whatever, and I, I won't say the unkind thing that I said back, but it was a big, long thing. And I said, oh right, that never happened. Like what I was going to say and what you deserved for me to say to you. I didn't say it because it wasn't necessarily what I wanted to say to her.
- It's what I wanted to say to them back, those 12 year old girls, right? Those girls, that's who I want wanted to say it to. I didn't necessarily need to say it to my friend because we're grownups and I had a way out.
- So I just left it at that and unfortunately I've said, you know, I set a boundary and I said, listen, this is just not how I want to be treated. So as long as this is how you treat people, then I'm kind of off the rollercoaster and out the theme park.
- So interestingly enough, yeah, yes. Mindfulness definitely played a role in understanding what it felt like to be bullied. If I had had more skills. I probably wouldn't have been bullied. I mean I just didn't have any relational skills.