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Feb. 11, 2021
The Magic of Connection With Peter Gibb
Peter Gibb grew up as an introvert who yearned to be an extrovert, then learned over the years that good communication has little to do with introversion and extroversion. He has spoken and consulted on Mindful Conversation in 18 countries and 3 languages over a
30 year period. He is the author of the forthcoming book, Mindful Conversation: The Magic of Connection and the memoir King of Doubt, which deals with his own struggles with self-doubt and Imposter Syndrome. Peter lives in Ashland, Oregon, USA.
- Website: www.PeterGibb.org
- Blog: www.PeterGibb.org/blog/
- Peter Gibb's next class Spring 2021 at Southern Oregon University: www.olli.sou.edu
- Book: King of Doubt by Peter Gibb
- I love humor. Humor makes me feel alive and humor is a way of connecting. Humor is also very personal.
- What's humorous to me, may not be to you. I find that when I am most alive, my sense of humor just shows up.
- I never know when it's going to show up. I'm not a big joke teller. Just the joy of seeing that and not passing judgment on it but just noticing it.
- I love it when other people's sense of humor shows up and when mine shows up and then we can play on that stage.
- I think fear is stopping a lot of people from having mindful conversations. I'm afraid that if I show you who I really am, you're going to say get out of here. We're all vulnerable.
- I struggled for years and years and wrote about it in King Of Doubt, with what I called Imposter Syndrome. It was years before I had the courage to say, “I'm going to share, and put content out there, and I hope you like it, but if you don't, I'll survive.”
- I'd rather share who I am and have you say, you're just not my kind of guy. My experience is, when I share who I really am, I far more often connect and people do like me, than if I'm playing some sort of a game.
- But it takes a lot of courage to believe that and to put yourself out there.
- Book: King of Doubt by Peter Gibb
- App: n/a
- I was not the subject of the bullying, but I got very close to it. In my coaching and consulting around Mindful Conversation, I worked in a lot of different companies and government agencies and I worked in a hospital for about a year.
- I remember one day in particular, the medical Chief of Staff came to me and he said, “I want you to work with this particular doctor. He is our best orthopaedic surgeon and we're having a terrible time with him.”
- Even patients don't want to see him. And nurses are refusing to work with him. I want you to help him.
- I met with him and I talked to him about why I thought this was important. All the coaching I did didn't have any impact at all. This guy was a horror in the operating room where you need to work really closely together. He considered himself the King of the operating room and he was a horrible bully.
- I was about to give up but I finally decided to set up a time when I would bring in some of the nurses and ask them to just tell what it was like to work with him. Most nurses did not want to do it, but I finally found four nurses who would come and talk with him. I set up some ground rules to make it as safe as possible. We had a really profound understanding because I really encouraged everybody, don't respond, I just want you to listen. Then I want you to repeat back what you heard. You can totally disagree with it.
- The meeting lasted about an hour and a half. At the end of the meeting I dismissed the nurses and I turned to him and I said, “What do you think?”
- He broke down in tears. He said, “I don't want to be that kind of man. Help me to change.”
- I was so moved by that. This was a bully to the nth degree. That was his persona. Because these four nurses had the courage to be vulnerable and to say, “this is my experience when I'm around you”, it changed that doctor's life.
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